peaceful slumber

Emma

rambling

I did not know my son Kyle had been diagnosed with paranoid
schizophrenia until after he was dead. I suspected it and it was me
that got him commited (on my birthday) so that he could be diagnosed.
He never had a chance to tell me , I guess he had not come to terms
with it himself yet. He didn't want us coming to see him in the mental
hospital and I was to preoccupied with the rest of my life to drive
the 1/2 an hour a day to go see him. Looking back I was suffering
from severe depression at the time too. When I finally had my
suspitions proved(at the pre-lim trial for his murderer) I felt
relieved that it was an illness that took him away from me to begin
with (he had been living on the streets on and off for 2 years). I
told my adopted mom(I have 2 moms) about it and she was horrified and
upset saying it wasn't true. I don't understand that attitude but
know it exsists.

I have wanted to help to change peoples ideas of mental illness for a
long time. Many of my friends suffer from mental illness, I myself
suffer from chronic depression even though I have never been diagnosed
with anything. I have a 12 year old daughter now who I hope does not
develope any problems like this. So far so good I think but If she
does I hope the world is a more understanding place for her that is
for sure!! ok well I am going to leave off now this has actually
drained me. lol