I am one who is fierce I am strong, confident and know what I want.

Kyle at 16 and his self portrait around a year later

memories

Doing this page about what I am going through with Kyle is a good thing for me. Painful as hell sometimes but there is no getting away from that anyway. I don't want Kyle to be forgotten and if he and I can help someone thru the sharing of his story and the art it has provoked all the better. If you are in pain right now and reading this I feel for you. I wonder, Have you found a source to get it out yet? Don't let it bottle up inside of you for it is like bacteria and your inner thoughts are a breeding ground for negativity. Try art not to create something pretty to look at but just to express outwardly those feelings. Don't think about it, just let it come out .

I started this poem when Kyle was about 4 ....thought it was done...finished it April 1st the day of Kyles memorial service...........wish someone had yelled "april fools" :0(

A child approached me today
full of stories of far away
He was our son his life just begun
He told of dragons slain
dancing in the rain
with laughing eyes which knew no lies

a teen came to sit with us today
wanting to but not quite pulling away
He was tall and strong, but didn't belong
With and open heart so full of art
he shared the girls he'd kissed, and chances he had missed

A young man called us today
voice broken, calling from far away
from a world where the moon had lost its glow
our hearts broken, because he didn't know
how many things a new day can bring
that you always have to go for the ring
but he could not see
he was just struggling to be

Now that young man named Kyle is free
no longer struggling just to be
Kyle always know that you will be missed
by all those girls you never kissed

Gosh Kyle I still miss you so much you hear me ? I love you.........mom

Kyles page

I was at work and paging through a magazine when this image stopped me in my tracks. The young man in this image could be Kyles twin. The thundercloud enveloping his head seems to me much like the severe depression that started to plague him in his early teens and the paranoid schizophrenia that developed in him in his late teens. The image on his t-shirt is one of Kyles, that kid always loved to draw and write, he was an artist too. The cat looks like his cat "devilkitty" who died recently while having blood taken at the vets. They are together now. Kyle is no longer in his nightmare world. His pain has stopped and for that I am grateful. I gladly take the pain of his loss knowing no one can hurt him now. He will be with me always in my heart, my art and hopefully my dreams.
Kyles page

At what price?

His balls were collateral
They were Chinese
Painted and they jingled
They were his worry balls
The man kept one only
Very reasonable like
HA
That was all he had
For collateral
Two slightly chipped
Worry balls
But at what price
Did he still have them
He had fought off
Predators before
But this time he handed
them over
A wolf in sheeps clothing
How sadly cliché
He let his guard down
Why then?
I hope not because
I told him it would
be safe. I was wrong
Oh so wrong
And I will always
Cryyyyyy
Don’t trust me!!
I don’t know
I didn’t know
I can’t know
It all
….
No.
.

This is the Justice card I did for Kyle

This is the soul collage card I did for my son Kyle

mom and dad courthing